Lettre à Mon Amant

Ooh mon cher Driss ooh,

 Comment vas-tu ? Je suis à Paris et c’est la même l’histoire comme à Sydney. Alors you have passed by my apartment late last night after I arrived, sadly I was apparently dead asleep and did not hear you knock. You left a piece of paper under my door that you would come by this morning I will see which hour that will be. I have stayed awake in these early hours.

J'attends, I wait, I heard everyone in the building waking up and leaving for work. J'attends, I wait, the birds started to sing there morning song. I saw from the window a man on a bicycle on his way to work. There was another man smoking a cigarette walking towards the office. The police sirens are starting to whirl; their noise starts to fill the air. The sound of the traffic starting up then to starting to halt and the sound of their horns as the circulation congests in the peak hour traffic. I turn on the jazz radio to drown out the time, to drown out the sounds of a city waking up.

I do not know if I am asleep or awake. J'attends, I wait for you as always. J'attends, I wait caught in a dream of waiting. I walk the wooden floor boards towards the window. At the window I take a sip of coffee and I have the hope that I will see you in the street crossing the street to my apartment. J'attends, I wait and the wind groans and I do not see you in the street.

Si tu pouvais juste aimais-moi. I want to believe that tu m’aimes.

It’s funny how love can become a cold rainy day like an autumn day in Paris much like today. Dit-moi que ce n’est pas vrai. My tears will dry before you are here. Je t’aime mais si tu pouvais trouver la sensibilité de juste aimais-moi. You are French, Parisien you do not understand the distance like an Australienne like me. I am not certain that you understand the secret wishes in my heart. You are my low down dirty shame... You are my heart ache made better, comforted in the bed. Come toward me...Come to be against of me...Come to my door...Come to be by my side... Come to be opposite me... Come to be in front of me... Come to be on top of me. Kiss me! Give me a slap as I demand! Baisse-moi! Put mouth on my mouth. Pull my hair. Choke me.

The sky moves slowly moving further away edging closer to eternity. I am here in Paris and you cannot make a plan to be by my beside a plan nowhere near my heart. Somewhere in Paris tonight you were sleeping but not by my side in this 6th floor apartment with a lift that start on floor 0½ come to the top where you will find me on the 5½ floor where you will find the door to my apartment where you will find me.

F.